As far as I can recall, I have seen the expression "how not to" at least twice. Initially, this expression hardly made sense to me. It was because I thought that you couldn't tell anyone how to do anything unless she does anything in the first place. It seemed to me that the expression could be paraphrased as "how you should not." And if you don't do anything, there seems to be no "how." "How" presupposes something that shold be or is in fact done. And "how not to" fails to be based on this presupposition.
But yesterday I came across this expression, "how not to understand the enacted mind." This totally made sense to me, but I don't know how. The phrase means "You shouldn't understand the enacted mind in the following way. So be careful." As I understood, the phrase in question, "how not to," can be put in this way: "the wrong way to." It will take me some more time to understand the meaning intuitively, but with this paraphrase I can figure it out at least deliberately.