I have written two entries about the distance between English and me. It is such an elusive topic that I cannot help coming back to it.
When it comes to reading, sometimes the distance between Enlgish and me seems quite shorter than that between Japanese and me. When I read a book on philosophy, it is often easier to read it in English than in Japanese, for philosophical terms, when they are translated into Japanese, often don't make sense. For example, who can make sense of "合目的的" at first sight?
But when it comes to writing or explaining in my own words what I understood in order to make sure that I correctly grasped it, Japanese feels way more natural. No, it would be better to say that when doing so, I use Japanese so naturally that I am unaware that there is a language called English.
I think it lamentable to regard English as a tool, but it could be. Let me think of the days when I was still clumsy with chopsticks, that is, maybe, when I was around five (I'm not sure). They felt as if they were an obstacle, because though it was food that I wanted to reach, they were always in my way. But now they are far from an impediment. When I reach for food, all I am conscious of is the food, not the chopsticks. They kind of constitute a part of my consciousness.
When it comes to writing, English is to me what the chopsticks were to me when I was five years old. But as for reading, the language is to me what the chopstick are to me.
「〜を扱うのが不器用だ」についてclumsyを使えば良さそうだなあと思ったのですが、「扱うのが」の部分で窮しました。なんとなくbe clumsy with ~にしちゃえと思い、フレーズ検索したら結構のヒット数があったので、使ってみました。