2017/04/03 Current Mood

Lately, I have been in a mood which makes me think life has no meaning or has nothing pleasurable to offer. Not that I am distressed by this mood, but rather this state feels comfortable because it has a kind of soothing effect on my mind. When there is nothing to be expected, there is no room for worrying. Life just goes on and you do what you have to do.

In contrast, when I look back on the past, say, when I ask myself how my day was that day, it seems many pleasant things happened. The curry and rice I cooked was unexpectedly good, I managed to understand the part of the book which had made no sense to me, and so on. It is said that Kierkegaard lamented the way we had to live our lives, saying things like "We can understand life only backward, but we have to live forward." However, my recent experiences almost convinced me that as long as I am looking backward and making sense out of my past, my life can be good and lovable. Nevertheless, it makes no difference as to what to expect of the future.